


Side Effect

by SapphyGoLucky



Series: Side Effects [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Depression, Humanstuck, M/M, No real introduction hahaha sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphyGoLucky/pseuds/SapphyGoLucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Side effects include headaches, nausea, irritability, insomnia, and hallucinations. If your depression worsens or if you have suicidal thoughts or actions, stop taking this and see your doctor right away.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Side Effect

_Side effects include headaches, nausea, irritability, insomnia, and hallucinations. If your depression worsens or if you have suicidal thoughts or actions, stop taking this and see your doctor right away._

So read the label on Karkat’s medication. It was his therapist’s idea, and the therapist had been Gamzee’s idea (though, originally it was Karkat’s idea for Gamzee), so technically the meds were Gamzee’s fault… Nah. Karkat couldn’t blame Gamzee for anything...

He didn’t like medicine. At all. He always got hit with the side effects, always managed to throw up at taking it unless it was a pill... He actually didn’t take it until he sat had a ‘discussion’ with his brother, a bribe from Egbert and Strider, and a “feelings jam” (that name really was ridiculous) with Gamzee. And hey, like Gamzee said, it’d make him feel better... Gamzee was being put on the same medicine (a much higher dosage, though, due to Gamzee’s built up immunity to drugs).

Overall, it worked, at first. Karkat didn’t get the urge to carve valleys into his arms and sides, though he did often want to harm others (on occasion for reasons that actually might not have happened- it was probably another side effect). It was much easier to piss him off. Gamzee saw this as a good thing. Karkat had always been irritable, so to Gamzee, it felt like he was getting his Karkat back.

However, it’s said that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. This is no less true here.

“Karkat, I’m leaving for work.”

He glanced up at the door from his spot at his desk, sending his brother a sickly sweet smile. It was later in the day, just after the two had supper (their father wasn’t present, unfortunately). Kankri had a shift at a small cafe while Karkat only had his medicine and texting Gamzee to look forward to.

“Yes, brother dear~ Have fun! Don’t let the dick Big Ampora-”

“Triggered.”

“By what?” Karkat snorted and rolled his eyes. “Dick? Or Ampora?”

“You aren’t taking this seriously, Karkat!” Kankri crossed his arms at that, glaring into his eyes. “Triggers are serious business that can honestly harm a person! You should learn to respect a person’s triggers if they have them! Honestly, you should know this better than I do. The way you react to certain words and actions obviously shows that you do have triggers. Therefore--”

Karkat cut in before Kankri could get any more words in. If he let him go on, he wouldn’t stop...

“Don’t you have work?”

Kankri stopped in his rant, looking at his watch. “Oh! I’ll have to continue this later...”

“I’m good, thanks,” Karkat stood and stretched, making his way to the bathroom (where his medicine lay). “Tell the big Ampora I say hi.”

“Actually, Cronus isn’t going to be in, today,” Kankri replied, trailing after Karkat. “That’s why I’m going in. He says he’s ill...”

“That sucks. You gonna see him?” Karkat grabbed the orange bottle of pills out of the medicine cabinet, dumping two into his hand and pulling a paper cup out from the stack near the toothbrushes.

Kankri shook his head. “I won’t even be in that long. I have more important things to attend to.”

“What, me?” he snorted, filling his cup with water. He swallowed the pills, chasing them with a gulp of water. “I’ll be fine.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t worry,” Kankri replied with a frown. “You haven’t been on your medication long enough to know what will happen in the terms of side effects. And honestly, after all of that time of you not telling me what had been going on, I’m not sure if I should leave you here without Father… Would you like to come with me?”

“I’ll be fine,” Karkat replied, rolling his eyes. “This shit’s been working so far. I doubt anything will fuck up in the span of a few hours…” Kankri sent him a look before sighing.

“I will likely call someone to check up on you.”

“Not the broad from next door,” Karkat deadpanned. 

Kankri rolled his eyes. “Doña Del Bosque is a fine woman. Quite sweet.”

“She’s too much like _abuela_.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing!”

“It _is_ ,” Karkat rolled his eyes, walking out of the bathroom and back to his room. “If you’re so worried, ask Gamzee or the little Ampora or Kanaya’s Hot Sister to check on me.”

Kankri crossed his arms, following Karkat but stopping in the doorway to the bathroom. “I will withhold from speaking of the intolerable thing you called Porrim only because I am about to be late for work. You like Gamzee most, right? I’ll probably ask him...”

“Whatever!”

By the time Karkat was in his room, the door below had shut, signaling that Kankri had left the house. It was quieter, now. No sound of his brother muttering the words he typed as he always did, no shrieking at a message from one of his friends, not even the _ping_ of a text message from Karkat’s phone. It was deadly silent. 

He went over to his computer, turning on some music and beginning a game of solitaire. After a few minutes of that, he heard something muttered so much that he couldn’t comprehend it. Karkat turned his music down and glanced around a few times, seeing nothing. Carefully, he turned back to his computer. Something was again muttered, but this time he could hear it.

“Heheheh… Look over here, motherfucker.”

Karkat blinked and glanced back, meeting a pair of familiar violet eyes and a shadow of a body. He could recognize the voice and eyes in an instant, though.

“G…Gamzee? Kankri just left. How are you here already? I don’t even remember letting you-”

“Shoosh… Shut up for a bit, _best friend_.”

“…Gamzee?” Karkat scrunched his eyebrows together at that, the slightest bit concerned. He stood and stepped towards the familiar voice, blinking a few times as the shadow disappeared. Then, he felt a shove at his back. He gave a strangled yell and stumbled forward, forehead hitting the opposite wall.

He groaned, pulling himself upright and blearily looking around. Quietly, the voice started to drawl again.

“You’re the reason ‘m like this… Nobody even likes you. You’re angry… Mean… Fuck, _you don’t even fuckin’ like you_. That’s motherfuckin’ sad, bro.”

“S…Shut up…”

“Why should I? You know it’s true.”

“I-I…”

“You…?”

“I-I’m sorry…”

There was a laugh, dull and sharp, dry.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. _You say it’s for my own motherfuckin’ good, don’t you_?”

“I-I… I don’t mean… Don’t want to hurt you…”

“It’s a _little motherfuckin’ late for that, isn’t it_?!”

“I-I’m sorry!” Karkat put a hand over his mouth, swallowing thickly. “Please… Please, stop it…”

“Why the motherfuck should I? You motherfucking did all this to me, after all. This is all your motherfucking fault… How’s that make you feel? _Best friend_?”

“I’m sorry!” The words resounded the room in a shriek. “I know I-I’m a fucking asshole! _I’m sorry_!” He felt a searing pain in his arms, something cutting in once, twice, three times. With a swallow, he glanced down, seeing a Sharpie in his hand and black letters, words of hate obviously towards himself on his arms. Did he write on himself? He must have… Weird weird… Though, it would get his point across…

He looked up, seeing himself. Was he in the bathroom? How long had he been here? He glanced around for a moment before focusing back on his reflection- dark circles under his eyes and sweat and tears trailing down his face. He groaned loudly before lowering himself to the floor. He was tired… Dizzy… Nothing seemed right…

He needed to think… Needed to ignore the voices that persistently whispered, wearing away and away and away at his mind. He hugged his knees, whining another “I’m sorry”.

There was a new voice. Unlike the others, though, this one sounded somewhat concerned.

Footsteps pounded up the stairs. Bang bang bang! Like his head. His head hurt. Aspirin would help… He should get aspirin…

He managed to stand again just as the voice got loudest and squinted at the source. He couldn’t exactly place the face, but there was a sense of familiarity that made his insides twist and squirm like those gummy worms he might’ve eaten. Or were those real worms? He didn’t even remember eating gummy worms… 

“Karkat… You…”

Karkat blinked a few times, following the mystery’s horrified looking gaze to the words on his arms. Instead of Sharpie, though, the words were written in blood. His blood. He was bleeding… He glanced at his other hand, finding a razor blade and a bloody palm, mangled fingers. He felt his heart sink. “O-oh… no…”

Kankri would think he was so much more of a pain…He couldn’t be home alone without making his arms look like something out of a horror movie… He loved horror movies… Next time he saw Gamzee he should-

Kankri said Gamzee was going to check on him. Gamzee would be over soon.

Karkat clumsily reached forward, grabbing the hand that, while he was lost in his thoughts, began bandaging his arm.

“D-don’t tell Gamzee!” He looked up into confused violet eyes (Maybe it was Eridan? Gamzee wouldn’t be here yet… would he?), licking his lips and continuing. “Please… H-he’ll be over soon… T-to check on me… D-don’t tell him! He’ll beat himself up over it…” Slowly, another hand began bandaging his arms again, just as gentle as the first. Gentle, gentle, gentle. Feather light. Like a bird.

“P-Please…T-this… It’s happened… I-it happened… before… I… I don’t… not again… I-I love him… love him too much…”

Did he love Gamzee? Of course he did. Don’t be stupid.

He babbled on like that for a while. At some point, he felt a raindrop slide down his face. He sniffled and another salty drop fell, this time into his mouth. It was hard to talk around the lump in his throat at this point, so he stopped. Instead, he tried to breathe without convulsing over something. Sobs?

Soon after he began crying, the gentleness on his arms stopped moving. The hand clutched in his own gently squeezed back as the kind voice murmured something Karkat couldn’t understand. He was dizzy. The world was spinning, twirling, around and around in lazy circles. Karkat muttered for it to stop, though he didn’t feel it would get through the cotton in his mouth.

Quite suddenly, he felt strong arms wrap around him, felt himself be lifted from his spot on the ground (or was it the toilet seat? He doesn’t even remember sitting down). Instinctively, he grabbed onto the thing that held him. Person. Angel? His guardian angel. Was that why he felt he was flying? Above the ground in the arms of his angel.

Flying, spinning, soaring, around and around and around, flying.

On the ground.

He felt his back hit something soft (his bed?), though he didn’t feel like he was dropped. Really really softly… he was on his bed… 

With a groan and a shift, he blinked his eyes open (when did he close them?). His angel hovered over him, a slightly relaxed look on his pale face.

Karkat stared at him for a long while, vaguely remembered saying something, heard a quiet chuckle, felt something get into his bed and the same strong arms around him. He turned over, attempting to focus on his angel’s face through the darkness creeping in on his vision. After a while, he let out a triumphant laugh and allowed his eyes to slide shut once more.

“Heh… aha… Gamzee…”

He wasn’t sure how long he slept in the arms of his best friend, his angel. He remembered waking up at some point, a conversation with his brother that he couldn’t exactly place. He woke up at assorted points around that, to Gamzee’s phone vibrating, to Gamzee singing under his breath, to Gamzee stroking his hair and whispering something he couldn’t hear. 

He woke up for good late in the morning. He could hear footsteps and voices downstairs, could still feel a throbbing pain in his arms and head, a pair of arms wrapped around him. Something moved behind him and a pair of soft lips met the top of his head a moment later. Karkat said nothing, turning over with a small smile. He didn’t do anything else, though. He didn’t need to.

In the back of his mind, a small, persistent voice (his own) whispered. _You’re horrible. He only pities you. You aren’t worth this._

Soft lips met his forehead once more, and the voice was muted.

**Author's Note:**

> So I really really hope I did all of this right. First time posting here and all...
> 
> I'm sorry if there's any confusion or ooc, too! It made sense to me?


End file.
